Some weeks are more about doing poetry than writing it.
Having it? LIving it? Sponging it up and sitting in it?

I am having one of those weeks.
Though I did move ahead at least 2 stanzas on 2 different poems I am trying to finish for upcoming performances. And I've been reading my new Billy Collins book...

Productivity is a farce. Still, I strive for it anyway.
And so, accomplished this week (thus far...):

Serious brainstorm time into what to wear to this weekend's TEXTURE themed dance party and what sort of touches I will garner while in my chosen texture
A cabin booked for February's west coast writing retreat weekend (well, actually, i totally didn't do that, my friend Mary did. But I got to OK it)
Successful first attempt at braised short ribs
Accumulation of new sheet music for the piano!
Much pondering over how to use my accumulated air miles that I got thanks to accumulated visa debt - upcoming trip to Mexico City for poetry festival or some future dream trip to Japan. Pondering is not exactly accomplishing but it is productive (?)
Love and dating
A very great show at the In the Dead of Winter Music Festival with a drummer and a slew of new songs, vulnerable and raw for my hometown crowd
Safe bicycle riding in the snow
Random speaking engagements booked for months down the road

That is the kind of week I'm having
Well, there's other things, too.
Things like secrets. Also, lustful things, private things. Things you might want to hear but I'm not going to type them today.
Also, I have done a lot of thinking.
And I made myself sit at my desk many times, though my feet twitched and my knees bumped together and my cat reeaaaally wanted me to get up.
And I watched some Halifax poets perform, their hearts exposed through personal words in a bar on a stage for acquaintances and strangers.
I also finally spent that gift certificate I was given for the big Indigo Book store, speaking of acquaintances.

On sunday I was on a date in a cafe.
The people at the next table were familiar faces, we struck up a conversation, soon we were making arrangements for shared transportation
'Let's go spend our gift cards!'
So, I spent a few hours at the mall and came home with a few books and two new friends.
Now, THAT is the kind of productivity I feel good about.

Coming soon: I learn how to post new pictures and poems on my website
Also, news of winter/spring touring to other countries!

I hope you see something gorgeous today
there is always something gorgeous

td

Holidays! Christmess!

I am in a PEI cafe. Last night was my last show of 2011 and I am friggin excited for a much needed vacation. Happy Solstice everybody! To celebrate, I will gather around a fire with farmers and spinsters, draft-dodgers and hippies, mothers and children, government employees, teachers and unemployed-ees, artists and wanderers, lovers and friends, pagans and christians. We will welcome the return of the sun and I will celebrate a marvellous year. Thank you for all of your support and love. I feel it. I FEEL IT!

I have so much to update on this website of mine. 
I have written new poems.
I have vinyl available now
and my books 
and some show dates in western canada and also in UK this winter and spring

and i have ideas! lots of them
and collaborations in progress
and some very lofty plans...

thing is, I always get around to updating my website eventually, but it is, admittedly, not the top priority. But I will try harder! I will.

for now, just a happy holidays from me, from this pei cafe
and gratitude for this good year i've had, the opportunities within it, the people i've met, the places i've visited.
i feel fatigued and satisfied.
and in love with a lot of things and people.

thank you for your continued support (ha, I sound like a small business. well, i guess i am)

more soon from me
but first, holidays

xo
t

 Hellooooooooo

Blog, people reading it, I kept thinking about you, across Canada, in North Carolina, in small villages in Labrador..
Now I am in Ottawa with a morning all to myself and my computer and i am consuming large quantities of coffee and away we go!

It's snowing here.
It was snowing a lot in Labrador, where I just was for 8 days, teaching a lot of poetry workshops to kids of all ages. I was there as a part of the Labrador Creative Arts Festival. What an amazing experience. And intense.
I tell people sometimes in my workshops that I am no teacher. I am an artist and I'm there to talk about what I do and to (hopefully) open up a room and make some space, facilitate some safety in which to create.
Workshops make me nervous, as does the stage
But workshops make me MORE nervous.

Some Labrador highlights:

flying in one of those teeny weeny planes to a small innu community up the coast
being greeted on a gravel runway by a large fluffy dog
late night snow walks no streetlights 
boots on snow become beautiful percussion
flirting (ha, that will always be a highlight, FYI)
moose, arctic char, mustard pickles, innu donuts, redberries, pea soup
the most expensive slippers I have ever purchased
amazing kids opening up to the possibility of poetry
dancing at the local 'club'
massage party in the basement of my billet's house
sleeping the last night on a futon with 4 amazing people, peas in a pod, cuddle puddle

Before Labrador I was home for a few weeks, working away in my office and cleaning my house and before that I was in a lot of other different places
Highlights:

being recognized in North Carolina for 'How to be Alone' and, consequently, making a new and beautiful friend
4 days at the Banff Centre for the Arts writing poems in front of mountains and eating too much at the buffet
dancing, many places

Oh, I think there are lots of highlights but I can't remember them all now
I need to not leave such large gaps in between blogs...

I am sidetracked - I've been thinking about my country's government. And how atrocious it is.
Stephen Harper and the conservatives 'rebranding' our gov't, so that on paper it is called The Harper Government instead of the Gov't of Canada.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
While he tries to pass a new crime bill that will put more vulnerable people in prisons instead of giving them actual help
And, meanwhile, the momentum of the occupy movement continues to inspire me. 
And I think of ways to help. What can I occupy? Lines on paper, moments on stage? How can I make this count? I also am part of the 99%
People are amazing, working hard to change in the face of such adversity, gov'ts that work hard to crush us, banks and people so greedy they can't even see how much they're consuming.

These days are interesting. 
I tour around while people sleep in parks, in prisons. 
Here on this snowy Ottawa morning I am opening, listening.
I will write poems while people protest our conditions, our conditioning.
I remain optimistic and do my best to contribute.
Our world is crying, it is beautiful, what will we do?

td

Hey, it became fall!

I think of this blog from time to time when I am not in front of a computer. But this morning I thought of it whilst in front of my computer
hey, email, move over
it's time to spit words out to nowhere

I am about to head off on tour again. To far away Canadian cities like Edmonton and Calgary and Vancouver
but also for a few days in Banff, mountain land! I will be hanging out with writers a lot! Writers who are famous and have a lot of books published
This makes me excited, a bit nervous
Some days I question my authenticity, as a writer. Usually that happens when I have gotten to do nothing but administration all week,
planning logistics maks me feel weak
meek and without the kind of discipline that writing takes.

I remedied my most recent bout of am-i-a-real-writer's angst
by a day on a country road, throughout which no other human beings were visible
coffee beans and scribbles
cat on my lap purring to heal, so subtle
down in the musty basement for loud drumming
make me the lady i want to date
make more big my muscles
there was a piano, tried, true and trusted
there were poems with no goal other than existance
songs aching to live again
so i played them
i drank coffee enough to make me crazy
so then i made tea
i spent a day alone in the country
to remember me

Of course, country days fade away into city nights and now I'm back in Halifax trying to organize my life
Seeking balance between create and administer
Where is my manager?
Oh, ya, I don't have one
Ok then, applications, let me fill you out
ok, schedule, let me organize you somehow
hey, time management skills, don't fail me now

Often, I get in conversation with my artistic self-employed peers
about our love and all of our striving and our fears
what we're alive for, why are we here

at the end of every conversation it is, for me, the same thing
here to live, here to be
do our work and connect with human beings
be a part of the world, part of the journey to peace
in america they are occupying wall street
this has more poetry
than the financial district has ever seen
may the buildings smirk to each other, sideways
'we knew they'd come, see'

i am making plans to retreat with a friend next to the ocean
and write words and lines that will become poems
and this won't happen until deep winter but i hold it now and feel consoled

here are some moments i have recently been in love with:

purring cat against my ear for medicine
motorcyle down the highway to feel independent
dancing on wood floors in barns at weddings

kisses on stoops and understars and in kitchens
pulling from the wicker basket my collection of mittens
trips to value village

my grandmother's party when she turned 85
a swim in the ocean when the sun began to say goodnight
my sister who bakes me cookies, treats me gently when i cry

hugs from friends from old and far away
hugs from new connections on lots of days
the option of connection that i always try to take

the ones that have my back, my interests at heart
those who have held down roots for me since the very start
the truth, for me, no matter joy or pain, always being the best part

that is all, for now
td

There has not been much time for blogging
I've been on my motorcycle
i've been in bodies of water
I've even been on dates under moons, on bicycles, in tents.
It's a good summer...

It's not like last summer, when Jack Layton was still alive and my heart arrythmia was recently fixed and how to be alone was getting lots of youtube hits
back in 2010 when the sun shone hotter
and we all stayed in the water longer

but this summer is more real
there's more grit
it's more east coast than BC
more scraggly bush than tall tall tree

And i've been writing
Fragments about religion and women
new poems about work and witches
songs about the lonely days that linger on

This fall I will go to the west coast, for writers festivals and to eat salmon
I will sit in my first hot spring, goddamn it
I am planning this
I also get to go to Carolina!
Do you live in Carolina? Who lives in Carolina?
I will be tootling around with some industry peeps, showcasing and inquiring into where are the good coffee shops
and I-know-none-of-the-locals-are-swimming-but-i-am-from-canada-and-so-this-is-like-the-tropics-and-where-is-the-quarry?

i will also do these things:
pick berries
make soup
ride my bicycle
ride my moto with a scarve that blows in the wind
sew old cheap dresses into new, weird ones
go on more dates
write more poems
play the piano that sounds so honky tonk it's starting to sound classical
pay my cats on their cute little heads
kneel and kiss the mountain
collaborate with musicians and videomakers
daydream
day-be

I just made that last one up. Can you tell?

I have cried more tears this summer than last summer but still I feel stronger
My back stoop is a most welcome landing pad for all of that saline
Friends have been landing pads, too (thank you friends)

The psychic told me there are rainbows behind me and so I'm gonna take that and run
She said, 'go, do things' you are poised'
I say, 'I have always been a fan of good posture, thank you very much. Off I go'

See you around this country and other ones, you people who read my words
I need your help, often
If you want me to come to your city/town then maybe you can throw some lavendar seeds at the mayor and she will hire me
or that university with all of the lesbians and those sensitive men I dig so much will need a poet to come
poem
Or maybe you know the venues
the artists to team up with
shit, maybe you even have funding

My psychic said 'ask for help!'
Ok, i shall

see you around, maybe in your hometown
or maybe on a sidewalk or maybe in the afterlife

I have only had one gluten free beer so far this end-of-workday and I am typing so fast with such brazen requests that I think gluten free beer is spiked with extra content
or magic

be well,
t

Now I am 32.

I marked the ocassion by cooking a large feast for a lot of people I love and hosting a dance party.
Friends brought a sound system that turned my house into a club.
But the kind of club where you can still get some dancing done
because there is room enough for everyone
and all of our limbs to flail and be flung
and the music was actually good.

I bought a 9 and a half pound salmon and rode it home on my moto, in my backpack.

If you cook it, they will come.
The Gods gave me a thunder and lightning storm.
It was 6 hours long
and that is not an exageration.

I buzzed around like a bumblebee, between friends and crushes and songs
front porch, back porch, kitchen
I did a costume change and accepted, gratefully, their applause
I partied all night long

6am, you haven't looked that beautiful in awhile...

And now I am 32 and it's time to keep working.
I've had some pretty great converations about the balance between work and play, effort and joy, the intermingling thereof.
I am working on some new collaborations with people.
They are not ready to put out into the world yet but this fall they will be.

I am also putting together a show for the Halifax Fringe Fest.
What is it about?
I don't know yet!

This weekend I am giving a workshop on performance poetry at a writers festival in Shelburne Nova Scotia.
Don't tell anyone but teaching makes me nervous.
I am not a teacher, I am an artist.
And sometime people think that artists can teach, because sometime they can
But can I?
Not sure. I can talk. I can lead by example? I can show some tips and facilitate a discussion.
We will see.
I give a fair amount of 'workshops'
Hopefully people learn some things.. or think some things...

In other news, I'll be to western canada this october, for writers festivals and shows
In september i am going to drift away to a mountain in new england and hug some trees and smell some moss and stuff.
Ha. That sounds amazing actually..
right now it is a daydream.. we will see.

We will see, we will see
or will we?
do we?
can't tell
everything is fuzzy

t

Well, last week was Pride week in Halifax and I was super gay.
Highlights include:

Lesbian robot sex on stage after weird and hilarious skit

Dressing up and singing an Annie Lennox song, with back up singers! (No more I love yous... those high notes were high but audience members assured me I did a good job, I supposed it worked fine, in Tanya Davis style, when I just breathed the high notes instead of actually hitting them :)

All of the cute gay boys that made me wish I was a gay boy!

Plays at the Queer Acts Theatre Festival

Rding my motorcyle around town.. oh, wait, that wasn't a part of pride week.

Performing my new pride poem in front of the mass of people gathered after the parade

Going down the giant blown up pirate ship slide! 6 times! The first adult ride I have been on in years! Amaaaaazing!

And now it is just another week and there is just some more construction outside my door
and I am justanother poet waking up on a monday wondering what to do and what it is for

I should write lists on sunday nights instead of monday AM's
But, still, I had a nice time at the coffee shop planning to plan things
Watching my pen move across paper like it had an important task to do
Trying to remember that time is just time and I don't need to run so fast. Meditation helps, a bit.

Last night I had some fresh air and then played the piano for a long time. I recorded blips on my phone that I hope to go back to
turn them into songs
and then I started a new one on the guitar about fidelity,
spurred on by a beautiful married woman
and also flirtation
and the nature
of relation
and how we pass tension
back and forth
like it's a dish to savour

yes please, more please

There are no clouds in Halifax skies today
my motorcycle is running fine
and there are lakes nearby
and probably I will put myself in one
The bicycle beckons as well
either way it'll be me and two wheels and a body of water

After some more planning, that is
after a bit of poem-writing
spurred on by life's poetry
and also some granola
and some house-cleaning

In an effort to remember that life is happening all the time
and not just in my dayplanner
I have vowed to do one house task a day
to beautify
to settle in
sit down
to keep my feet on the ground

Yesterday I clipped the lawn (I can only afford a weed wacker, not a mower, so it is a slow process...)
Today maybe I will re-pot that plant that is falling over

Oh, summer, you're so good

Also, I commited myself to a fringe play here in Halifax in early September!
So I will work on that. I mean, it's not a play, per se. But it'll be something

OK, random randomness
What is this blog about?
Dunno.
It is representative of my current state of mind - scattered, many focuses (focii?), high on coffee...

td

I'm flying to England in 3 hours!
I am packed but I have some cookies in the fridge that I shouldn't forget
It's summer in Halifax and I have been swimming a bunch of times, in my favorite lake which is called Long Lake.
I have so much to say...

But I have to call a cab!
Last minute-ness
I am chasing my life around a lot lately. Well, I have been, but that's changing, I feel a shift, a slowing down. For instance, i've been writing more these days
And for that I feel relieved
more peace
intrigue

I found me a motorbike, it is black and pretty
I will own it in one week

First, though, a trip over the ocean
i land in London tomorrow morning for two days off
!
I am going to eat cadbury chocolate bars and walkandwalkandwalk
And hopefully go dancing
and see music that is amazing
and maybe even free

Then on Monday I take a train to Wales to showcase at a conference that is for presenters from rural UK
in hopes that they will like what I do and want to book me
So then I will go back across the ocean in the future!

Ok, really, I am full of words to share but the cab, I have to call one

I am excited to talk about my new book. It's out!
You can find it at chapters stores (indigo) in Canada. Request it if it's not there
Or you can find it at chapters online or amazon, too

I will post more soon
You should see how fast I am typing this
I went dancing at a party last night that smelled of bodies shaking and summer
There was bumping and grinding that felt safe and sexy and full of gold

Love, there's so much of it,

td

I have a chocolate bar. It is a family-sized one and tonight I am an entire family.
I will soon be an entire family in front of tv on the internet with my exciting choco bar. And I will watch some weird reality show that I stream for free while hoping that such an activity does not give my computer a virus.
Tv on the internet is weird but I like it. Because there are no commercials and I like to watch good storytelling, be it about vampires, motorcycle clubs, lesbians or historical times. Tonight it might be motorcycle clubs. Because I just got my motorcycle license!

Woo!

And please don't tell me to be careful or about a motorcycle accident you heard about recently. Of course I will be careful. And news of motorcycle accidents does not make me a more cautious rider, it just makes me paranoid. There are always accidents, everyday, with all sorts of vehicles and tools and playground equipment and staircases and on and on. They are tragic and commonplace. I hope to not have one. That is my intention.

I took a safety course. It was all weekend long here in Halifax, Nova Scotia. 8 hours each day on a motorcycle, from pushing it around the parking lot, to turning it on and off, to getting into first gear then second gear then around the pylons and corners. And now I have a beginners permit because I passed the necessary test and they trust me. Inwardly, I cried. I swelled up. Because I've been wanting to ride a bike for half my life and it intimidated me and though I knew I could do it I was still scared of failing, of looking foolish. Aren't we all...

So, now I have a license but no bike. I am searching on kijiji. But I have no money. So I am looking at cheap ones. But I don't know how to fix them. So I am looking for cheap ones in good shape. But I don't know how to tell. So I am feeling nervous about calling the phone numbers that are connected to the bikes that seem cheap and yet in good shape.
Life is a series of obstacles.
Is it?
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure what life is.
That's okay.
To the person that commented to me about my last blog. Thank you. Yes, it IS okay.

Today I rode my bike to an appt, as I do, and I passed a dreamy motorcycle. I'm going to call the number. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe with my mom nearby who is worried a bit but secretly excited for this new venture of mine. She knows I follow my soul around, my irrational and beauty-loving soul. And she must also know that I have good defensive driving skills. And I've done other 'crazy' things.

I'm reading 'Just Kids' by Patti Smith. It's inspiring. I don't listen to her music, I haven't much at all. But I know a bit about her and respect her work and what she's done. It's a great story.

Today I got the copies of my first published book. 10 copies to do with as I wish. I will give them to my family and my close friends. I gave one to myself already. I've been carrying it around and I take it out of my bag and run my hand over the cover once in awhile. I've always wanted a book. It's my first book and I'm nervous. How will people respond, what will they think, what will they say? I have thin skin..
But I'm proud, like I am about the motorcycle license. Things I've wanted to do. I have no money and that is a blog entry in and of itself (because I've been thinking about that lately, about what it takes to make an income after so much investment..) but I have a published book and a motorcycle license. And friends and support and fans who might read this blog and a bicycle and today is summer and so I dove naked into a lake to celebrate. I can dive into lakes, naked if I want because there is so much space. No people, save a beautiful friend who supports such ventures. I offered something to the gods, because they have been good to me and they have been good to us. We still have a planet and it still supports us, though we are terrible stewards. I don't even know if I believe in gods. I don't believe in god. Plural gods make more sense to me. It's just like a concept of interconnection and a huge web and everyone is a part of it, all the gods, all the myths, all the stories. Sure, why not. I'm very impressionable.

I'm also typing really fast and I only meant to say hello and tell you about my book and that I would write more soon.
Well, I will write more soon. I will include the details about where to buy my book. It will be in some stores and also online.
The chocolate bar, the motorcycle club stories, it's all waiting. It's been a long day and darkness has descended and I am going to sit on my plaid chair and tv on the internet is going to tell me a story.

Be well,

td

Soon. For now I make nettle soup. With grated dubliner cheese and roasted pepitas on top. I love to cook. I don't do it as much as I'd like to. Either because I am travelling, or my housemates cook something first, or I go out for dinner because I also love going out for dinner. Or just becase.
But this morning, this holiday monday that feels like sunday, I am cooking. The sun woke me up early, in concert with my cat. They both wanted me to get up.
Quiet house, quiet city, I laid down my yoga mat.
Then I drank pine tea (tastes like woods and freedom!)
And then I caught up to emails I had put stars beside and now I am waiting for the nettle soup to be ready.

These mornings are good, these domestic and slow, quiet ones.
You know what else is good? Waking up in a new city and finding a good place for breakfast, recalling new faces from last night's show, both cute and interesting.
It is good to be on tour and I look forward to going back out there!

In a few days I fly to the midcountry and I start this tour with 3 days off. I am a worker bee! Ha, well, I sort of am. And that is why I build days off, deliberately, into my tour schedule. I have friends to see and dates to go on. I have good food to eat and lakes to swim in. I have poems to write and I like writing them in unfamiliar coffee shops, anonymous and quiet. All of this is fodder for my creative work and, also, my soul.

Recently, I finished a book called 'Care of the Soul', by Thomas Moore. Did I talk about this in my last blog. HHmm, can't remember. Probably. Anyway, it was a good reminder that it is important to feed one's soul, in all sorts of beautiful, invigorating, irrational, and thought-provoking ways. I forget that. We all do. We work so much.
This long weekend reminds me that I support the 4 day work week, for the good of all. If we worked a bit less we would be happier. And all of those technological advancements could be put to better use. We would be more productive, after having rested for a solid 3 days. There would be more work to go around perhaps, all of those unemployed people who want to work could get some work and all of those people who are addicted to work would have to work less and, gasp, maybe even consumme less. We would burn less fuel by millions of workers commuting one less day a week. We would use less power. We would see our kids more. We would cook more, relax more, smell the roses more..

I could go on. I could be more descriptive and articulate but my nettle soup is almost done and this is not an essay.
Soul food, right, that's what I was talking about. Well, I offered my soul some food recently. It's called 'motorcycle lessons'! Yep. Me and a long desired piece of machinery are going to become friends later this summer and I am pumped for that!

I will remind myself, with nettles, with pine trees, with motorcycles, with dates, with friends, with swims in lakes and deep breaths
that life is for living
I want to make art. I consider myself very lucky that I get to do this
I want less people to be suffering and I want to work to help that
My soul wants to feel things, too. It is irrational. I don't need to prove that. I'll just let it meander it's way sometime.
Kind of like my blogs.. meander meander

be well,
td